Encontrar o Equilíbrio Após o Parto: Mudanças Silenciosas na Vida Pós-Parto

👶 So What Happens After the Baby Comes?

One big change: I connected deeply to my other mom friends. There is so much uniting in the experience. And no matter my attempts to keep connected to the non-mom friends too, that became more and more difficult.

I was quite tired and on a new schedule. Don’t look for me after 8 pm. I am sleeping—or wishing I was sleeping. Regular partying, cocktail evenings... just seemed completely useless and not in my list of ways to spend the little energy I felt I had. Quality control raised massively when choosing how to spend my time and where.

And quite a few of my non-mom friends became a bit distant. There wasn’t a massive amount of interest to meet the baby I had just produced. Which is HUGE. I know it’s not a rarity and it happens to many people, but it is still HUGE.

---

💬 The Questions Shift

When we would meet, the conversation often went like this:

• How long is your maternity?
• When does she go to daycare?
• When are you going back to work?

Very boring questions, given a new human being has appeared. I’d rather discuss things like:

• What is her energy?
• How to identify what gives her joy or sadness—not what gives me joy or sadness?
• What does this human perceive? How does she perceive?
• How much is she similar to a grown-up human and how much is she different—and how do we approach that difference?

A baby-centric approach seems to elude us and has converted into an “us”-centric approach through a broken prism of the “baby needs.”

---

⚖️ On Balance & Burnout

Don’t get me wrong: it is very important to take care of yourself. But when taking care of the baby, account for what they actually need. Nowadays, too many people sacrifice themselves for the expectations of society or their perception, which leads to their own unhappiness—and the baby’s unhappiness.

So what causes postpartum depression? Over-perfectionism, sadness, lack of support—but that specific kind of support that we need and that is very individual.

---

🇳🇱 Kraamzorg: The Dutch Way

In the Netherlands, there is a system called kraamzorg. It’s a professional who visits the mom for 8 days, several hours per day after the birth, and supports in any way the mom and other parent need.

Whether that’s how to handle the baby, simply taking care of the baby so the mom can sleep, a lesson on baby carriers, or how to cook vegetable soup—or even cooking the soup themselves.

Research has shown that simply having this support after birth helps reduce postpartum depression. This person replaces the traditional family support network that used to be present for women—but unlike some families, they come without any prejudice, judgment, or expectations beyond keeping the baby healthy, listening to what the parents want, and sharing expertise.

Emphasis on neutral and without prejudice—that can be incredibly refreshing and helpful. Learning how to do it “your way” without anybody telling you “your way is wrong” just because it is not their way, is the ultimate help.

Unwanted help is not helpful. Wanted help is priceless.

---

🧠 My Theory on Postpartum Depression

It comes from a combination of external and internal factors that lead to lack of balance. Our hormones, trying to protect us, go into severe modes and cause “change.” The organism’s reaction might be sadness, anger, loneliness, unhappiness...

Or—with the right support network and openness—it can be happiness, ease, relaxation, a sense of belongingness.

---

💛 A Message for Non-Moms (and Non-Dads)

Reach out to your friends with children. Hang out with them. Learn how to hang out with the children too, since they are the newest members of society and teach you a lot about zen, instinct, and life.

They might just replace your next deep meditation session, ayahuasca trip, or isolation retreat. 😉

And no, your friends having a kid is not pressure for you to have one. It’s just a step that some people choose in life—very high in importance. And of course, they need you at that stage of life.