Руководство для папы по родам для Джулиана

A German-Engineer-Dad-Friendly Field Guide to Birth — Part II

📘 This is Part II руководства для Джулиана. Оно следует за Частью I: Беременность and continues in Часть III: Младенцы.

🌺 The Birth Journey Begins

So I have this friend. Imagine a German engineer. When our baby was born, he asked, "Is there a manual?"

At the time, there wasn't. There are many books, but no straightforward manual. So I've decided to create one. This part covers the birth itself. What comes before it is in Part I, and what comes after is in Part III.

🌼 Contractions

Most of the time, these come first. Sometimes they show up early, just to practice. Their role is to guide the baby down and help mama's pelvic floor open. Mama's body has been preparing for this throughout pregnancy — ligaments have softened, the pelvis is more flexible, and everything is getting ready to make space for the newest family member.

There are three types of contractions to know:

💆‍♀️ Practice Contractions

These might come a few days before real labor. Mama: Let them be. The more relaxed you are, the more naturally — and pain-free — they pass. Julian: This is your time to shine. Give massages. These may be the most appreciated massages you'll ever give. If you can, use a TENS device on mama's lower back — it sends gentle electrical pulses that release tension and help with pain, especially if that's where period pain usually shows up. Bonus tip: it's great to practice this during periods too — same muscles, same hormones, same support needed.

🌊 Widening Contractions

These mark the first true stage of birthing. Their role is to help mama's body prepare — to soften and widen the canal, guide the baby downward, and trigger the release of oxytocin, a powerful, natural hormone that mama produces herself. Oxytocin helps ease pain and supports the rhythm of labor. Mama's body knows exactly what to do — and she has the power to make this process smoother, simply by feeling safe and supported.

But this is also the moment when fear can show up. And fear has a very different effect. Fear is the body's protective instinct. It's useful if mama is truly in danger. But the body doesn't always know the difference between real danger and imagined stress. It simply listens to the signals from mama's brain. If her brain feels unsafe — even subtly — her body reacts by producing adrenaline, the hormone meant to prepare for fight or flight.

And here's the thing: adrenaline and oxytocin don't work together. Adrenaline slows or pauses labor. It tightens the body. It resists the birth. If contractions are happening under stress, it may become painful — not because the process is wrong, but because the chemistry is off.

Julian, your job is to protect mama's sense of safety and peace. Help her feel held. Help her stay warm, soft, calm. You can:

🍵 Make her a warm tea 🛁 Offer a warm bath or shower 🌊 Set up the birthing pool 🔦 Lower the lights 🎵 Play hypno-birthing music 🪑 Keep the room quiet and private ❤️ Offer presence, not pressure

Let mama's mind tell her body: "You're safe. You're loved. It's time." Birth will respond. You and mama — together — are more than enough.

💪 Birthing Contractions

These are the powerful, deep contractions that come in the final phase of birthing. This is where mama goddess rises.

The contractions push the baby downward, while the baby instinctively moves — almost crawling — through the birth canal. Mama and baby are working together, but not in any conscious or deliberate way. It's entirely instinctual, a dance of nature happening on its own.

That's why no one outside — no midwife, no doctor — can fully tell mama what to do. Only she can feel it. Only she knows.

The baby gently widens its way out by pushing forward, then slipping back… out, in, out, in — gradually creating more space. With each push, a little more of the head appears. First a glimpse, then hair, and then — suddenly — the whole head is there.

If the moment unfolds naturally, without tension or fear, and mama feels safe and grounded, she might even reach down and feel her baby's head herself. Then the rest of the body follows like a little fish, sliding out — often with a soft splash of warm water.

🧬 Birthing the Placenta

At this point, the baby is lying on mama and is still connected via the umbilical cord to the placenta. Most likely, the placenta has not been born yet. The placenta is this magical organ that mama created, and it shares the exact genetic DNA as the baby. It serves as the barrier that connects baby to mama and, through the umbilical cord, transfers nutrients and removes waste from baby to mama and back.

The placenta usually comes 10–15 minutes after the baby, either on its own or with a slight push from mama. Yes, after the workout that mama just did, pushing is not exactly the action of choice — but it's a much smaller push.

Julian, be vigilant if the placenta does come out. Until it does, mama isn't able to start her recovery, since the placenta is still in the way. Once the placenta is out, the large internal wound it leaves behind needs to begin healing.

The first step is taken by the uterus, which starts contracting back into a smaller and smaller state, helping to seal the wound and stop blood loss. If, for some reason, the placenta is not born or the wound doesn't seal properly, mama can begin to lose blood — even faint.

Eastern rumour goes that eating a piece of raw placenta, covered in honey for taste and energy, helps stop the bleeding. Do you feel like a chef, Julian?

💧 When Does the Water Break?

Anytime! It may break:

🕓 Before contractions start ⏱️ During early labor 👶 Right as the baby is coming out

The water helps baby slide through the birth canal. Trust mama's body — it knows exactly what to do. Julian: Your job is to support and stay grounded.

💧 Water Breaking First

Contrary to what movies show, this is the less common way. Only about 10% of the time, the water breaks before contractions begin. It's a sign that birth is coming — but it hasn't started yet.

Don't worry, mama is not going to lose all the amniotic fluid (aka "the water") — it's constantly being produced. It might just be a bit wet around. Take a towel, Julian.

Most likely, contractions will begin within a day or two. Maybe even later. Water breaking is not a reason to panic. It's simply a signal — a gentle nudge — that it's time to get excited and prepare.

🧘‍♂️ Julian at the Hospital

Julian, if you and mama are at the hospital, the first and most important thing — is you. By simply being there, beside her during the birth, you share in this magical moment together. Your presence brings more calm than any doctor ever could — and she needs that calm. If the hospital doesn't allow partners in, pick another hospital. It is your right to be there.

What else can you do?

💆‍♂️ Gentle massages 🍵 Prepare tea — raspberry leaf tea can help ease the birth and give mama energy 🧘‍♀️ Support your partner with hypnobirthing techniques or whatever preparation you've done together 👐 Be ready — and not afraid — to catch the baby. Yes, most likely the midwife will do it, but imagine how amazing it would be if you do it.

When the baby is born, their head carries the most incredible oxytocin smell — nature's way of bonding. It's a scent that makes both you and mama fall in love instantly. Don't miss it. It's the most natural high.

After birth, the baby should be placed on mama — to find the boobies, to cuddle, to meet both of you. This should happen before the baby is touched by medics, before a hat is placed on their head, before anything else. The very best place for your baby is mama's body and papa's warm hug.

What else might be handy to bring...

🎒 The Hospital Birth Bag Blueprint

📦 Baby car seat – Required for getting home safely, even in taxis. 👕 Change of clothes – For mom, baby, and maybe dad (birth is messy). 🪥 Toothbrushes – A lifesaver if you stay longer than expected. 🍫 Snacks – Protein bars, chocolate, or anything to keep energy up. 🔊 Music speaker – Style matters.

In the Netherlands, you may be sent home hours after birth — even after midnight, like in our case. Some foreigners find this shocking. For Dutch people, this is already a "special circumstance." Many don't even go to the hospital at all but practice the art of home birth, well... at home.

🏠 Home Birth

🧑‍⚕️ Midwife – She comes to you! 📦 Kraamzorg packet – Includes protective sheets, wound kits, and more (sent by insurance). 🍪 Snacks – Think bananas, dates, or anything energizing. 🎵 Music speaker, 🕯️ Candles, 🌿 Aromatherapy – Set the mood your way. 💪 Confidence (for the mom & dad) – You're made for this!

This is big.

Mama, listen up — you are designed to give birth. Your body knows what to do. Confidence isn't just a nice-to-have; it's an essential tool in the birth toolkit.

Let go. Trust yourself. And enjoy. You've got this.

🔗 More on Home Birth: A Natural Choice with a Proven Track Record

📘 Continue to Part III: A Dad Manual on Babies for Julian.